51 pounds gone

I hit a milestone with my weight! I cannot believe I have lost 50 pounds! It’s been a journey, but I finally feel like I can sustain this weight loss and keep up with the trajectory to lose 100 pounds. I have improved so many habits that have lead me to success! Focusing on the four pillars of Weight Watchers has been key: food, activity, sleep, and mindset. I make goals for each of these pillars, and include them in my everyday. I also include community as the fifth unofficial pillar, because I find the workshops absolutely incredible.

The only problem with hitting this milestone is that I am currently admitted to a voluntary mental health facility in my city, and I am no longer in control of my diet (for two weeks). I know I am going to gain weight here, and that’s okay! I am here for a much bigger purpose than sustaining my weight loss and worrying about every little detail of my diet.

My health will always be my number one priority.

But it has been very difficult to suddenly flip the switch of my diet mentality, and let go of all of my habits while I am here. For instance, for lunch one day we had perogies and garlic sausage all fried up in lots of butter. I knew that one lunch alone was probably 20+ points. Then snack times are always high fat, high sugar yogurt, peanut butter, muffins and cookies for example. Not all meals are super high fat, but they are all different from what I have been eating at home.

It is just an adjustment from my healthy lifestyle, and it is affecting my mindset. I am trying to just shake it off, and understand that I am here for my mental health and that losing weight should not be a priority. But it’s hard!

I’ve also decided to take a break from social media while I focus on healing—stepping away from everything so I can fully prioritize my health and recovery without any distractions.

The main reason why I chose to get admitted to a facility was because my husband was going out of town for 5 days over the long weekend, and I was terrified of being alone in the current state of my mental health. My symptoms have been persistent for the last several months, and when I am alone they amplify and get 1000x worse.

When I was in the hospital last, they informed me of CRESST (the facility I am at) and I was intrigued. I have never heard of it before and was curious how it worked. I knew that if I stayed home while John was away I would have ended up in Emergency with how my anxiety levels were at. So I made the difficult decision and worked with my nurse practitioner to get myself admitted.

One thing led to another, and it turned into a two week admission (I came long before John went away to secure a bed). I was so incredibly nervous coming at first, but I was also very excited to get the help I needed.

I have been in this episode for 4-6 months now, and that is just way too long to be sick. My psychiatrist at the facility was very concerned about me and is going to help me big time while I am here. I have full confidence that this doctor is going to get me out of this episode. I’ve been here 3 days already and I’m already seeing a huge improvement. It’s amazing what a fresh set of eyes can do to help!

Ever since I came to the facility and settled in, I feel at peace. I’m not stable yet, but I feel so supported by the staff and doctors here! They are going to fix me up!

It’s crazy putting my health and care in someone else’s hands, because I have been in the driver’s seat for so long with my mental health. I really am good at taking care of myself, but I just could not shake this episode. Too many triggers, too many large stressors. Now that I am here and in the hands of professionals, I feel so comforted. I even had a nap yesterday! I never nap!

I told the psychiatrist that I had a nap and she was so proud of me, and informed me that these two weeks are meant for resting and that it is a good thing. I’m not used to resting!

…

Now let’s talk about my recipe this week.

This greek salad was delicious. The vinaigrette dressing was incredible! I think it would have been better if I put the dressing on the salad and let it marinade instead of keeping them separate. I thought I was preserving the veggies in the salad, but it compromised the quality. The dressing ended up separating in the jar and didn’t look very appetizing haha. It still tasted good, don’t get me wrong, but just didn’t visually look very good. So if you are making this salad at home, I recommend mixing it all up with the dressing and letting the flavours marinade with the veggies. It will taste even better!

The crazy thing about this video was that I was struggling immensely with my mental health at the time. I remember going through all my mental health action plan steps trying to calm down, and somehow I ended up making this salad video. Chopping the veggies and throwing them in the bowl was therapeutic and relaxing, and it distracted me from my disruptive thoughts. It’s incredible how cooking can provide so much peace, even if it’s just salad preparation.

Also, don’t forget to add feta cheese to this salad…I don’t show myself adding it in the video but that is a key ingredient for greek salads.

Check out the video here:

Until next time.

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

….

Photography: Lindsay MacLean Studios